for some reason, this has weighed a lot on my mind lately and i can’t remember what has brought it on. maybe it is moving and all the emotions that go along with that.
it’s something that is easier to see being applied to someone else – but not necessarily yourself. you are important to someone. you’re important to many people. we have such a hard time truly grasping the reality of us being a living, breathing NEED in someone’s life. but we are. we make an impact on others.
my biggest example of this is my dad. before he passed away, he left and divorced my mom. you can read all about that in “my story” over to the right and at the bottom (grab some wine, sit down with it if you must) but i was 30 and it absolutely tore any sort of solid ground i was standing on out from underneath me. i decided to not talk to my dad for about 6 months (at the time, it was planned out to be forever) i didn’t know how to act when i had been so hurt. my cousin, jim, said to me: ” i think your dad underestimated how you’d react”. it was then that i thought that my dad made a decision and didn’t really think about anyone else but himself. you may say – well, yea – that is who he should be concerned with, right?
but to add to the “we are important” comment above, we don’t realize the IMPACT we have on other people.
there is so much strife in this world without adding to it. relatives not talking to one another, friends not moving over a sticking point, friends moving/leaving/abandoning you. as i roll over these thoughts more, i think back to the ted video from brene brown on vulnerability. if you haven’t seen it, click here.
the thing is – you can control two things and there is one thing you can’t control.
you can control:
1. telling someone that they are important to you. you’re not confessing anything, you are not saying you condone what they do or what they’ve done but let them know that THEY AFFECT YOUR LIFE. write a note. send a text. mail a postcard. dial a number. leave a message. here is the script:
“you need to know that you are important to me.” and add one reason why. and that’s it. maybe that is to someone that you see and talk to every day. your husband, your mom, your sister, a friend, a co-worker, a mentor. maybe it is someone you haven’t talked to in a long time, maybe it is someone who has passed away, maybe they did you wrong. but you still think about them. they take up real estate in your head. i’d say that is important.
you can also control:
2.owning that you’re important and knowing that you affect other people. your decisions while your own, do affect other people either positively or negatively. that applies to many decisions: decision to drive after having too much to drink, decision to silence your phone when your daughter is talking, decision to say ‘i’m sorry’ or ‘you’re forgiven’.
you can’t control:
3. the fact that others make decisions that impact you in a negative way. you can only focus on people you have an impact on and people that have impacted you in a positive way.
who are those people in your life? can you give me one person and why?
“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”