ever since i was trampled by a huge dog when i was 5 years old living in boston, i’ve wanted a dog.  we finally got one when we moved to michigan and i was in about the 5th grade.

it was a black lab named maggie. we had so many stories of her.

she ate exactly half of one of our thanksgiving meals.  like chomped right down the middle of casseroles and everything.  when she was a puppy, we trained her to sleep in the laundry room downstairs with the door shut.  it was hard training her because she was young and scared and would whine and whine and whine.  we’d go into mom and dads room and beg to go to her.  no.  then we found out that muffin, our hamster, had gotten loose and was terrorizing poor maggie.  so maggie dug a hole in the laundry room straight through the good ole yellow linoleum that was so popular back then. so there mom and dad.

then there was our golden retriever, tucker.  oh tucker.

this was the best dog ever.  we loved loved loved tucker that little *ucker.  we liked to say that to make mom go “oh stop”.  but really, this was the sweetest, friendliest golden ever.  have you ever met a golden you didn’t love?  he slept with me in bed for the two weeks i had mono in college.  and he listened to stories.  we would tell him every story behind every holiday and he would stare at your mouth and perk up his ears.  he also would shove rolled up socks in the laundry basket in his mouth – like maybe 5 or so at a time and then we would make him “speak”.  everyone got a big ole crack over that.

next, for me, there is wrigley.  my 110lb yellow lab

words do not describe how much i love the wigs.

i lived in dallas one year before getting wrigley.  it was a miserable year.  i worked hard, didn’t know anyone and really felt like a fish out of water.  then came this little bundle of pure lab love.  wrigley.  he took care of me.  this is a big boy and he protected me and loved me.  it was so nice to come home from work and be greeted by him and his big kisses.  he and i went everywhere together and i loved taking him to daycare during the day.  see i can be a mommy blogger too.  tee hee hee.

then i met ROF and got married.  lover-ly.  my life was perfect, except one thing.  wrigley isn’t too hot on ROF or his dog, max.  wrigley sat in between us.  and he licked ROF to pieces.  you know, typical lab.  but when wrigley nipped max in the nose for trying out his food, we needed to figure out what to do.  so my wonderful mom watchs wrigley for me.  she has been watching him for 2 years now.  i can’t give w away.  he’s my 8 year old baby.  he is so sweet.  i don’t want to confuse him any more.  plus he loves my mom.  but she is 70 years old and a 110lb lab is a lot of dog (and hair) for her to have.  what can i do?  this will not be solved right here as i tear up.

then there came max. 

max is ROF’s english bulldog.  ROF has created quite a character around max and speaks for him often. max is very proud of being english even though he is really from austin, texas.  he talks about wanting gin and walking on the opposite side of the road.  when we ask him why, he says “because i’m eeeennnglish!”  having never had a bulldog before i really didn’t know how to “read” max.  unlike labs, bulldogs don’t jump all over you and they certainly don’t listen to you.  not a bit.  they hear you, they consider obeying, but then they promptly go the other way.  ROF told me that max will obey but just on their own time.  really?   i tell him to sit and he does – but usually just across the room and 5 minutes after I ask.

we had a garage sale and we let max walk around and say hello to everyone.  then he crawled up on to a chair in the middle of the yard and sat down.  this is what people saw when they drove up:

here are some other things on max:

1. he is high maintenance.  you have to clean their folds, and their ears almost every day.

2. he has more gas than any human being.  and he is not shy about it. 

3. he is sweet and caring and not at all mean.  unless you tease him and/or put your cell phone near him.  doesn’t like either much.

4. snores

5. makes noises that you’ve never heard before if he wants something.  kind of like a stuck pig.  a high pitched whine that can turn into a growl at the end.  gets that from his dad.

6. has us trained to a tee.  whines when he wants to go out, get on the couch, eat.  that’s about it.

one time, max decided that his cousin, sophie, shouldn’t be the only one to have a cute little bed.  so we busted max sitting in little sophie’s bed.  he asked us “does this bed make my butt look big?”  you decide: