appreciating the courteous flyer

28 Aug

today is all about appreciating people

that know how to fly well. 

from "bridesmaids"from "bridesmaids"

from "bridesmaids"

 

you don’t have to be a frequent flyer, to have the simple courtesies necessary.

case in point.  happening real time, right this very minute.  man in front of me on southwest flight from the st. lou to dallas love field.  he is scarfing his peanuts and taking the leftover, salty,  sweet crumbs from the honey roasted nuts and shaking his hands in the aisle dangerously close to my pant leg.  not once.  not twice.  FOUR TIMES AND COUNTING, folks.  I  just tried to snap a photo but he smiled and that was creepy.  busted.

men:  i believe that it is important

to do everything for women on a plane.  don’t worry yourself with this 1970’s women’s lib nonsense.  pick up her darned bag if she can’t put it in the overhead bin.  come on billy.  be a hero.  next (oh I’m not done with you ,mister) – help a mom juggling kiddos and bags.   grab that car seat and her kid play kit bag and march down the aisle.  ain’t no one gonna steal your seat.

now I’m gonna get gross

those burps you let out slow and low after the mexican lunch you wolfed down with the two margaritas.  yep.  we can smell them.  you’re not fooling anyone.  you are a millimeter away from our noses. 

from "airplane"

and speaking of gas, which we were, we can smell that too.  don’t try to rationalize it.  we know it’s not the baby, or the jet fuel, not the bathroom door that just opened.  it is you buddy and we know it.  I’m going to develop an app that is an airplane smell detector.  it will sense the molecules in the air and up will come an analysis:  BABY DIAPER, HAIRSPRAY, BAD PERFUME,  GAS FROM THE PERSON TO YOUR LEFT.  and then an alarm will sound.  and it will sound like this:

PEEEE-YOO  

you know you’re a courteous flyer when you do not, I said NOT, adjust your volume because of the roar of the plane.  don’t be a loud talker.  honey, you’re neighbor is right there.  unless you’re the woman on my last flight who literally yelled to her friend three rows in front of us.  in another language.  hey why not, it’s all about you.

from bing

speaking of talking.  thank you, courteous flyers for “testing the temperature” before launching full-on into your life story.  talking is not bad – after all many o love stories have been started on a plane.  so I’m not saying don’t talk.  unless you’re married.  then don’t talk.  but if you’re single then mingle.  but test the temp.  if receptive, launch away.  if you get a quick answer and a head turn – then please consider that a “I’d rather read this magazine”.

from friends, I’ve heard a lot of pet peeves that I agree with:

JG:  someone actually climbed over me in the aisle seat to get to the window seat.  really, I can get up, there is no need to squeeze.  gross.

from bing

“I hate it when people shuffle cards on a plane, it drives me insane”

“taking off your shoes is so inappropriate and not just for the smell.  for the grossness of it – seeing your hairy, ugly toes snuggle the carpet or worse the wall in front of you.”

from bing

 

that’s enough for my lil rant on flying.  once again, appreciate you, courteous flyer!  i have seen lots of unbelievably nice and fantastic people on planes.

have a great sunday.  thinking of everyone in irene’s path including the prendevilles!  love you guys.

2 Responses to “appreciating the courteous flyer”

  1. Katie Krause (@krausekatie2003) February 18, 2012 at 7:42 am #

    Just read this again, Hilarious! I love it!

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  1. feeling appreciative « - June 28, 2012

    […] flying all over the country […]

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